Change for the Right Reasons

Written (and then never published) Spring 2011:

Like most people, I know how to lose weight:

Calories in (what I eat) - (minus) calories out (what my body burns) = if it's positive, I gain, if it's negative, I lose weight.

But like most people, keeping track of what I eat doesn't happen. And when I get stuck in a cycle of poor eating choices, I gain.

But losing weight has never been a very powerful motivator for me.

Lucky for me, I have a more pressing reason than losing weight to change how I eat: my digestive system sucks. When I eat poorly, I hurt. But apparently, hurting isn't enough reason to keep me from eating poorly. Ridiculous, I know.

Add to all this the emotional component: I'm frustrated and discouraged with my digestive issues, and I eat because I feel deprived and angry that I can't eat how I want, or to prove to myself that I can eat a food that has bothered me before. Double ridiculous.

I won a contest for six-months of sessions with a holistic health coach. I was a little nervous about it at first, but it has been a great experience for me. She has introduced new foods to me that I never would have had the courage to experiment with. She challenges me to keep myself in balance, by taking time for the things I care most about, and letting go of the things I don't. She asks questions and listens. She is gracious and patient. I would highly recommend her.  She gave me several books about IBS that have helped me understand my body better, and has given me the tools to make good choices for the right reasons. Anyway, that's a whole other post.

I really liked something she emailed to me recently about my struggle with over-eating and eating the wrong things for the wrong reasons:

I find I eat foods I'd rather not eat because something is feeling out of control. I have lost my peace in that moment. I feel like I am missing something from my own life and eating junk is a way to feel a spark of goodness in the day, momentarily. I know you know this but try to really reach awareness in those moments. Next time you are finding yourself reaching for something mindlessly, ask yourself what you are really feeling in that moment. Boredom? Out of control? Drained? Loss of self?

Try to remind yourself that you are not those feelings. You really are a powerful woman who can make good choices for herself. The mind is a battlefield of positive vs. negative thoughts. Each time we choose to tip the balance to more positive, self-affirming and supportive thoughts we are laying stronger, sturdier bricks down as our own foundation. You are already on your way.

I feel sometimes like I'm battling between the good and bad angels on my shoulders: "Eat that!" "You know that will hurt your stomach." "Yum! Eat it!" "You aren't even hungry"  Having that awareness in those moments has already helped me.