Nothing Satisfies

This week I discovered/admitted to myself another reason why I love yoga: free therapy. There are three yoga instructors at the gym, and each one of them seems (from my perspective, of course--I don't know them outside of class) to be content and happy people: happy with themselves, happy for others, content with life. Throughout class they encourage us to release our stresses through deep breathing and stretching. I always leave class feeling more relaxed, and a little happier.

This week two of them said things that I "know" already, but it hit me differently, based on my own recent experiences.

Kristi read us an article called "Nothing satisfies." It talked about how, in all the hustle and bustle of Christmas time, that we remember that nothing satisfies: not the food, not the gifts, not the parties. If we are feeling unsatisfied, none of these things will bring us satisfaction. Satisfaction must come from within. (and I'll add, from the gospel of Jesus Christ)

Jen said something similar. Our goal should not be on our muscle strength (and I would add "or on our numbers"), it should be contentment with where we're at right now. I've seen this happen so many times. I got down to my goal weight, and I still saw areas that I wasn't "satisfied" with, so I set a new goal. Then, I lost 10 pounds unexpectedly while I was sick last Spring (going well below my "goal"), and I found myself still looking at areas I wasn't happy with.

And while it's good to be goal-driven and active, it's not good to be discontent with the body God has given us. If I'm not happy right now, who's to say I'll be happy when I lose X pounds or inches?

Thanks to some fancy eating on my part, I've gained several pounds in the last few months. I found myself criticizing my body, berating myself for my poor choices, focusing on the "should haves," etc. But all that does is make me continue to eat poorly, and continue to not exercise consistently, and continue to feel sluggish and depressed.

I choose better today.

How many Christmas treats have you thrown away?

Silver linings

Being sick for so long was a nasty trial. It reminded me of being 1st-trimester pregnant, only it was more painful, and it was more discouraging because I had no clue why I was feeling so crummy, or when it would end.

On the upside, I've seen a lot of little silver linings from this trial, especially in relation to my healthy living goals:

1. I lost weight. Unexpectedly, and too quickly. Don't try this at home.
2. I learned a lot about portion sizes. I couldn't eat much at a time without getting sick. I know now that I can eat a lot less food at each meal and not be hungry.
3. I don't crave junk food as much. It makes me sick. But I still eat it. Just not as often.
   
4. I'm limited in what I can eat, so I eat less. If I'm hungry, I can't just cut a slice of whole wheat bread, and eat it toasted with jam and butter. (yum! but ouch!) Instead, I eat ~1/2 cup of Corn Flakes with milk. Which feels just right for a little snack. That's a lot of calories saved.
5. I have a renewed gratitude for my health and energy.
6. I learned that apples settle my stomach, so I got in the habit of eating an apple every day.

Tummy Journal

A brief time line of my recent digestive woes:

May 2005 - November 2009: Stomach pain and nausea
• Five distinct times when I’d taken Ibuprofen
• pain would go away when I ate.
• Dr. suspected ulcer, took Zantac, “cured” it each time

January 2010: Intermittent stomach pain and nausea
• different from previous experiences, more painful, more nausea
• didn’t respond to eating or to Zantac

February 2010: Intermittent pain and nausea continues
• Dr. prescribed Prilosec.
• Symptoms got worse.

March 2010: Started feeling nauseated several times a week.
• Pain and nausea got progressively worse
• Extreme fatigue

March 24th, 2010: Went to ER for severe upper, middle abdominal pain.
• Sent home with a diagnosis of "gastritis"
• Started sipping Mylanta, but didn’t help.

April 2010: Started eating ulcer diet
• felt much better, but not perfect

April 2010: Upper Endoscopy (camera down my throat)
• found gaping esophageal sphincter
• bilious gastric fluid
• no ulcer

April 2010: Cut out wheat, as an experiment
• seems to have helped
• suspect whole wheat more than refined white.
• tested negative for Celiac disease

April - May 2010: Took dicyclomine (an IBS med) twice daily
• After finishing one-month supply, gastroenterologist suggested stopping it to see how I feel.
• Two months later, I still feel okay most of the time. I avoid certain foods (whole wheat and high-fiber) and I take Dicyclomine as needed.

May 2010: Went to 2nd gatroenterologist for a 2nd opinion
• No clue.
• Said I have a sensitive digestive system, and I maybe got a stomach bug that disrupted my system and took a long time to resolve.

August 2010: present
- went to gastroenterologist for a 2nd opinion
• I take dicyclomine once in a while, more often when I'm on a trip or stressed.
• I still avoid wheat, oats, flax, bran, raspberries, and blueberries.

The good news is, I feel great most of the time. Hooray!

Healthy Living Away From Home

A question from a friend:

I'm a little nervous about going on this trip and gaining a hundred pounds from eating bad and not working out. Vacations are fun, just not to your waistline. :) Wish me luck. Suggestions?

I'm probably the wrong person to ask, since I just went on a trip last weekend and came home with a couple unwanted pounds...

But, here are my suggestions anyway:

• Don't buy junk food to take with you. Sounds simple enough, but buying licorice and M&M's seems like what you're supposed to do for a trip, right? Don't. I take certain snacks for my kids, in case we're a little slow getting to the next stop for food, or whatever, but I take only non-perishables that I'm not not at all tempted by: granola bars and fruit snacks. Depending on the type of trip you're making, you might want to pack a cooler full of fruit, cheese sticks, etc. But remember that you still need to eat 5 small meals while on your trip, and NOT be snacking constantly.
  
• Plan what your in-between meals/snacks will be. My trip was a family reunion, so we had 3 large meals planned for certain times. I have to eat more often that that, so I took cherries and Zone Perfect bars (I like the double dark chocolate and dark chocolate with caramel best) to eat for my mid-morning and mid-afternoon snack/meal.
  
• Recognize what your biggest weaknesses are and come up with a strategy/plan beforehand. Is it the soda at the convenience store? The extra treats/cookies that other people buy/bring to the family reunion? Eating out? Then, the hard part is to come up with a creative way to handle this challenge.... good luck with that one. A couple of tips that sometimes help me: 1. count calories. just for the temptation food. If I eat 1 cookie, that's 100 calories. If I eat 5 cookies, 500 calories. Yikes, especially when you remember that 3500 calories = 1 pound. So, 7 days of eating 500 extra calories per day, and you've gained a pound. 2. Keep in mind that this trip is temporary, and you can/should (in my opinion) enjoy yourself. Have a cookie. Just not 5 of them.
• Try to work some kind of exercise in to each day. Stretch. Take a walk. Play an active game with your kids. Do 10 jumping jacks.
• Portion control. Hard, hard, hard. Enjoy the yummy food, but in moderation. Eat half a hoagie, instead of a whole one, and then enjoy a handful of chips with your sandwich.
• Most importantly, have fun!
  

I had a very bad past few days. Lots of pizza, cake, ice cream, hot dogs, chips. My body feels yucky.

I think it's important to tell you about this. One, because it gives me an ounce of accountability. But not much. Because let's face it, if I blogged about every time I overate, I'd be on here all the time. But more importantly, to let you know that I'm not perfect! I eat pretty well. 75% of the time. But if all I did was tell you how well I'm eating, and how much I'm losing, and how excited I am, then 1) it would be a lie, and 2) no one could relate to me.

Today I ate at least 3 pieces of delectable chocolate Costco cake. Maybe 4. I can't remember. Last night I ate 3 pieces of Costco pizza for dinner. I wasn't hungry after the first 1 and 1/2, but it tasted so good! And I had cake last night, too. And I ate some ice cream today. I ate 2 hot dogs on fluffy white buns Friday night. And I had Doritos with them. And I ate at Cheesecake Factory Saturday. Leftovers on Sunday.

It was yummy. I love hot dogs.

What's funny, is that with all the junk yum I ate, I really missed my apples! I've been eating one or two a day lately, and they make my body feel so good. But when I eat not-so-healthy, I don't leave room for apples. I snack on chocolate cake instead. mmm...

So, it's repentance time. The chocolate cake is gone (I finished the last piece tonight), and the apples are calling my name from the pantry.

Keep on keepin' on!

Planned Eating

(Quotes from "The End Of Overeating" by David T. Kessler)

"The trick is to identify food that you can learn to eat in a controlled way and that are at least as reinforcing as the foods you once overate." (page 209)

Portion Sizes

"By paying close attention to how much food you eat and how long it sustains you, you learn that portions smaller than you've come to expect will hold you perfectly well.
"There is a strong cognitive element to this process: What I perceive to be satisfying will help me determine whether it actually is. If you say 'I'm going to be hungry after I eat that' or 'That probably won't be enough' when you're served a plate of food, then you'll probably want more.
"But if you believe the food in front of you will fill you up, it's likely to do so... You can begin conditioning yourself to think 'That was enough,' 'That filled me up' or, best of all, 'That was just right." (page 212)

Choose Foods to Eat that Satisfy You

Most diets fail because they don't satisfy. A low-fat diet will keep you feeling hungry. The reason? Fat digests very slowly (2 calories per minute) and sugars (simple carbs) digest at a rate of 10 calories per minute. Protein digests at 4 calories a minute. Foods high in fiber tend to be satisfying because they are broken down more slowly than their processed counterparts.

So the goal is to eat high-fiber, complex carbs (whole grains and veggies) with protein (unprocessed) and a small amount of healthy fat. Nothing new here. What I like about this book is the emphasis that Dr. Kessler places on finding foods that you enjoy, that you don't overeat, and that satisfy you.

"Within these parameters it's important to identify those foods that will satisfy you -- and this is very personal ... The only eating plan that will work for you is one built around the personal likes and dislikes you have accumulated over a lifetime." (page 214)

I've always wanted to enjoy oatmeal. It's good for you, and I tend to like hot cereal, but I just couldn't get into it. I discovered that what my oatmeal needed was raspberries and it suddenly became my favorite morning staple! (~1 cup water, ~1/2 cup oats, dash cinnamon, 1 teaspoon brown sugar, and 1/2 cup berries. yum!)

What foods do you love? What minor changes can you make to these foods to make them more satisfying and better for you? Have you tried whole-grain pasta? How about plain yogurt instead of sour cream?

Food Rehab Principles

"I've learned to find reward in smaller amounts of food that I enjoy." (page 206)

• "Conditioned hypereating is a biological challenge, not a character flaw. Recovery is impossible until we stop viewing overeating as an absence of willpower." (page 206)
• "Treating conditioned hypereating means recognizing it as a chronic problem that needs to be managed, not one that can be completely cured." (page 206)
• "The loss of control that characterizes conditioned hypereating is magnified by diets that leave us feeling deprived." (page 206)
• "New learning can stick only when it generates a feeling of satisfaction. We can't sustain a change in behavior if it leaves us hungry, unhappy, angry, or resentful." (page 206)

I resisted reading this book for a long time, because I was sure I'd feel angry and deprived about "giving up" my favorite foods. But that's assuming that I'm abstaining by sheer willpower. Food Rehab is all about changing habits and perceptions of food.

• "Eventually we can begin to think differently about food, recognizing its value to sustain us and protect us from hunger, and denying it the authority to govern our lives." (page 207)

Rationalize Much?

"Sometimes we formulate rationalizations that allow us to act on our desire for reward. Thoughts like 'I deserve this' or 'I'll only have a small piece' are strategies for easing our discomfort about behavior we know is not in line with our goals." (page 201)

I've been doing this type of rationalizing for the past year or so. I lose a few pounds and then feel like I "deserve" to relax in my healthy eating for a few days/weeks and gain part of it back. So then, because I'm fancy like that, I get to lose those very same pounds again, until I lose enough to "deserve" another break from healthy eating.

Another thing I do, is I convince myself that eating such-and-such won't cause me to gain any weight, since I'll only have a "small piece." But calories are calories. And when you eat an excess of 200 here and 500 there, eventually those calories add up to 3,500, or one pound.

Food Rehab

Here are just a few suggestions that seem like things that could help me. In the book you will find many more helpful ideas.

***

Set Rules. Be specific, such as:
I don't eat candy bars.
I don't drink soda.
I don't buy store-bought cookies.
I don't eat fast food.

"The shift from wanting to behave differently to actually doing so requires setting rules and practicing them until they become programmed behavior." (page 192)

Practice, practice! Habits are difficult to break and start, but become easier the more you practice them.

***

Learn to view the pursuit of sugar, fat, and salt in a negative light.

"The cognitive strategy is to recognize when you're having euphoric recall and selectively remembering only the good parts. Then, in your mind, you play the scenario out to the end and you say, 'This is what's going to happen. I'll feel good for two minutes, and then I'll feel horrible.'" (page 198)

Not by choice or by any heroic effort on my part, I've done this with ice cream. I've known that I was slightly lactose intolerant for 15+ years, but it's only been in the past couple of years that I've finally recognized that every time I eat ice cream, I get a slight headache and a nauseated sensation in my stomach. I think I ignored the connection between ice cream and that sick feeling for a long time. However, once I put them together, ice cream no longer tempts me.

I'm hoping to use this with other treats. After the holidays, I posted about the effects that all the sugary, fatty treats had on my body. I'm trying to practice "playing the scenario out to the end" so I get to the part where too many sweet treats make my bowels feel miserable. Not to mention that the "high" only lasts a few minutes, before I want more.

I re-lapsed conducted an official scientific experiment recently. I'd bought several Cadbury Creme Eggs for John's birthday, but I should have waited until the day OF his birthday to buy them. When I succumbed (several times), I melted into a pile of euphoric goo when the chocolate and sugary center reached my mouth. It made me feel good. happy. relaxed. And then, within a few minutes of eating it, my mouth had a yucky, sort-of metallic aftertaste. I wanted more. And mostly just to get rid of the yucky aftertaste!

Dr. Kessler talks of a man who, trying to break a cigarette addiction, inhaled deeply into a jar packed with cigarette butts every time he was tempted to smoke. That negative association has helped him stop smoking.

"Unless a person makes the cognitive shift, where it's more reinforcing to have a life without the substances than it is to have a life with them, recovery is not obtainable." (page 198)

"Not smoking becomes the thing the individual feels good about." (page 198)

"It may not seem that food can become as readily aversive as cigarettes, but for my part, very large portions now strike me as generally disgusting." (page 198)

"Once I thought a big plate of food was what I wanted and needed to feel better. Now I see that plate for what it is -- layers of fat on fat on sugar on fat that will never provide lasting satisfaction and only keep me coming back for more." (page 200)

"If we think rewarding food is a friend, we're likely to pursue it. If we think it's an enemy, we'll turn from it with distaste." (page 201)
-- I hesitated to include this quote. I was talking with a friend about this book and mentioned the concept of seeing food as an enemy. She was concerned about that wording, because sometimes people with eating disorders see food as the enemy, so they abstain completely, or purge it after eating. So use this one with caution. Not all food is an enemy, but if we find ourselves addicted to certain foods, and they are detrimental to our health and fitness goals, then they are better off viewed in an un-friendly light. Just please don't go to the other extreme! Good food in moderation is our friend. Cadbury Creme Eggs? Not so friendly.

Addicted

I first heard about "The End of Overeating" when my friend blogged about it 8 months ago. I was hesitant to read it. Why? Because I didn't want to give up sweets! They make me happy, so without them, I'd be miserable, right? John is off sweets right now for "made-up Lent." Did I go off them with him? Not a chance. Sweets make me happy. Masochism is against my religion.

Just reading about how food is a drug and totally identifying with that was a huge perception shift. What? I'm not a druggie! I don't take anything harmful or addictive into my body. But food? I'm totally addicted and I anticipate the reward I'm going to get from it. Like when I have a nice-sized dinner and then help myself to a little more? I'm not hungry in that moment. I don't need those nutrients to sustain life. I'm a food druggie getting a hit off of second helpings.

Stay tuned for "Food Rehab"...

Nightmare on Mile Hill and Bay Street

I'm reading "The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite" by David A. Kessler, MD right now.

To sum-up: Eating patterns have changed in the past 30, 50, 100 years. We eat more fat, salt and sugar, and more processed foods that are designed to "entertain" and stimulate our palates. This kind of food is like a drug to many people, causing us to crave these foods, especially when angry or stressed. The food triggers pleasure and calming centers of the brain, truly making us feel better... temporarily. We habitually turn to this food to make us feel good, much like a drug. Also, nowadays food is highly accessible and relatively inexpensive. Drive-through restaurants, convenience stores, and vending machines all stock food loaded with sugar, fat and salt.

In addition, everywhere we go, whether it be to a meeting, class, reception, church social function, there is usually some type of food provided: cookies, bagels, sandwiches, etc. Food is everywhere and our trend of expanding waistlines prove it.

Although my weight is perfectly appropriate for my height, this book is about me. "Hi, my name is Laura and food is a drug to me." I crave sugar, fat and salt (mainly sweets). I reach for chocolate when I'm anxious, stressed, or angry. It makes me feel better and I know it will before I eat it. Every time I pass a certain billboard, I think about how good a McD's sausage egg McMuffin would taste (thank goodness they aren't sold after 10:30 am). Every time I drive past Burger King, I consider stopping in for a Whopper Jr. (thank goodness most fast food makes my stomach queasy.)

(Which brings me to the title of my post -- last night, after reading in this book before bed, I dreamed that I ate a Big Mac, followed by a 15-piece bucket of KFC wings -- which is funny, since I've only ever eaten one Big Mac, and I didn't really like it, and I abhor chicken with bones and skin. It was a nightmare nonetheless and I was grateful when I woke up. Back to my post...)

I'm at risk for obesity because of my food addiction. Yes, I keep my weight under control by limiting certain foods and practicing self-control. But how will I be in 10, 20, 30 years?

The book talked of studies they've done with children, and how children eat more calories today than they used to. Children as young as preschool-age eat beyond the point where they say they are full if they are given unlimited access to high sugar, fat and salt foods.

I'm about 2/3 of the way through the book and I'm just getting to the part about treatment. I'll let you know what I learn.

Too Good to be True

I read on a friend's Facebook status how this person had just started the HcG diet today. Not knowing what it was, I did a little online research about it and what I learned didn't impress me.

As I understand it: HcG is a pregnancy hormone responsible for making sure that the fetus gets necessary fat and nutrients. If the mother doesn't take in enough calories during pregnancy, this hormone ensures that the fetus will be able to survive by tapping into the mother's fat stores.

The HcG diet involves a daily injection of the HcG hormone for 3-4 weeks. The injections, according to one website, were about $10 a day. Along with the injections, you eat very little food so that the injected HcG can tell your body to use its fat stores. The HcG also suppresses hunger pangs. And here's why you need that hunger suppressor: you are only supposed to eat 500 calories a day!

500 calories a day is not, in my opinion, healthful for any adult, anytime. And if a person were to eat 500 calories a day, they would lose a lot of weight without spending hundreds of dollars on a "cure" for overeating and inactivity.

From Diets in Review.com:

Remember, if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is. Weight loss is hard work and it won’t come in a potion, pill, or injection. The most “dangerous” thing you should be doing to your body is trying a new exercise that intimidates you like rock climbing or completing a marathon.

A-men!

Choose a new habit to work into your life.

Try herbal tea.

Make up a batch of vegetable base and throw it into everything. I puree it and put it in soups, casseroles, lasagna, etc. My family has never guessed. And I love the flavor.

Try eating less. Listen to your body and stop before you're full.

You need healthy habits to keep you healthy for life! You can't cheat at health.