Nothing Satisfies

This week I discovered/admitted to myself another reason why I love yoga: free therapy. There are three yoga instructors at the gym, and each one of them seems (from my perspective, of course--I don't know them outside of class) to be content and happy people: happy with themselves, happy for others, content with life. Throughout class they encourage us to release our stresses through deep breathing and stretching. I always leave class feeling more relaxed, and a little happier.

This week two of them said things that I "know" already, but it hit me differently, based on my own recent experiences.

Kristi read us an article called "Nothing satisfies." It talked about how, in all the hustle and bustle of Christmas time, that we remember that nothing satisfies: not the food, not the gifts, not the parties. If we are feeling unsatisfied, none of these things will bring us satisfaction. Satisfaction must come from within. (and I'll add, from the gospel of Jesus Christ)

Jen said something similar. Our goal should not be on our muscle strength (and I would add "or on our numbers"), it should be contentment with where we're at right now. I've seen this happen so many times. I got down to my goal weight, and I still saw areas that I wasn't "satisfied" with, so I set a new goal. Then, I lost 10 pounds unexpectedly while I was sick last Spring (going well below my "goal"), and I found myself still looking at areas I wasn't happy with.

And while it's good to be goal-driven and active, it's not good to be discontent with the body God has given us. If I'm not happy right now, who's to say I'll be happy when I lose X pounds or inches?

Thanks to some fancy eating on my part, I've gained several pounds in the last few months. I found myself criticizing my body, berating myself for my poor choices, focusing on the "should haves," etc. But all that does is make me continue to eat poorly, and continue to not exercise consistently, and continue to feel sluggish and depressed.

I choose better today.

How many Christmas treats have you thrown away?

Silver linings

Being sick for so long was a nasty trial. It reminded me of being 1st-trimester pregnant, only it was more painful, and it was more discouraging because I had no clue why I was feeling so crummy, or when it would end.

On the upside, I've seen a lot of little silver linings from this trial, especially in relation to my healthy living goals:

1. I lost weight. Unexpectedly, and too quickly. Don't try this at home.
2. I learned a lot about portion sizes. I couldn't eat much at a time without getting sick. I know now that I can eat a lot less food at each meal and not be hungry.
3. I don't crave junk food as much. It makes me sick. But I still eat it. Just not as often.
   
4. I'm limited in what I can eat, so I eat less. If I'm hungry, I can't just cut a slice of whole wheat bread, and eat it toasted with jam and butter. (yum! but ouch!) Instead, I eat ~1/2 cup of Corn Flakes with milk. Which feels just right for a little snack. That's a lot of calories saved.
5. I have a renewed gratitude for my health and energy.
6. I learned that apples settle my stomach, so I got in the habit of eating an apple every day.

Tummy Journal

A brief time line of my recent digestive woes:

May 2005 - November 2009: Stomach pain and nausea
• Five distinct times when I’d taken Ibuprofen
• pain would go away when I ate.
• Dr. suspected ulcer, took Zantac, “cured” it each time

January 2010: Intermittent stomach pain and nausea
• different from previous experiences, more painful, more nausea
• didn’t respond to eating or to Zantac

February 2010: Intermittent pain and nausea continues
• Dr. prescribed Prilosec.
• Symptoms got worse.

March 2010: Started feeling nauseated several times a week.
• Pain and nausea got progressively worse
• Extreme fatigue

March 24th, 2010: Went to ER for severe upper, middle abdominal pain.
• Sent home with a diagnosis of "gastritis"
• Started sipping Mylanta, but didn’t help.

April 2010: Started eating ulcer diet
• felt much better, but not perfect

April 2010: Upper Endoscopy (camera down my throat)
• found gaping esophageal sphincter
• bilious gastric fluid
• no ulcer

April 2010: Cut out wheat, as an experiment
• seems to have helped
• suspect whole wheat more than refined white.
• tested negative for Celiac disease

April - May 2010: Took dicyclomine (an IBS med) twice daily
• After finishing one-month supply, gastroenterologist suggested stopping it to see how I feel.
• Two months later, I still feel okay most of the time. I avoid certain foods (whole wheat and high-fiber) and I take Dicyclomine as needed.

May 2010: Went to 2nd gatroenterologist for a 2nd opinion
• No clue.
• Said I have a sensitive digestive system, and I maybe got a stomach bug that disrupted my system and took a long time to resolve.

August 2010: present
- went to gastroenterologist for a 2nd opinion
• I take dicyclomine once in a while, more often when I'm on a trip or stressed.
• I still avoid wheat, oats, flax, bran, raspberries, and blueberries.

The good news is, I feel great most of the time. Hooray!

Healthy Living Away From Home

A question from a friend:

I'm a little nervous about going on this trip and gaining a hundred pounds from eating bad and not working out. Vacations are fun, just not to your waistline. :) Wish me luck. Suggestions?

I'm probably the wrong person to ask, since I just went on a trip last weekend and came home with a couple unwanted pounds...

But, here are my suggestions anyway:

• Don't buy junk food to take with you. Sounds simple enough, but buying licorice and M&M's seems like what you're supposed to do for a trip, right? Don't. I take certain snacks for my kids, in case we're a little slow getting to the next stop for food, or whatever, but I take only non-perishables that I'm not not at all tempted by: granola bars and fruit snacks. Depending on the type of trip you're making, you might want to pack a cooler full of fruit, cheese sticks, etc. But remember that you still need to eat 5 small meals while on your trip, and NOT be snacking constantly.
  
• Plan what your in-between meals/snacks will be. My trip was a family reunion, so we had 3 large meals planned for certain times. I have to eat more often that that, so I took cherries and Zone Perfect bars (I like the double dark chocolate and dark chocolate with caramel best) to eat for my mid-morning and mid-afternoon snack/meal.
  
• Recognize what your biggest weaknesses are and come up with a strategy/plan beforehand. Is it the soda at the convenience store? The extra treats/cookies that other people buy/bring to the family reunion? Eating out? Then, the hard part is to come up with a creative way to handle this challenge.... good luck with that one. A couple of tips that sometimes help me: 1. count calories. just for the temptation food. If I eat 1 cookie, that's 100 calories. If I eat 5 cookies, 500 calories. Yikes, especially when you remember that 3500 calories = 1 pound. So, 7 days of eating 500 extra calories per day, and you've gained a pound. 2. Keep in mind that this trip is temporary, and you can/should (in my opinion) enjoy yourself. Have a cookie. Just not 5 of them.
• Try to work some kind of exercise in to each day. Stretch. Take a walk. Play an active game with your kids. Do 10 jumping jacks.
• Portion control. Hard, hard, hard. Enjoy the yummy food, but in moderation. Eat half a hoagie, instead of a whole one, and then enjoy a handful of chips with your sandwich.
• Most importantly, have fun!
  

I had a very bad past few days. Lots of pizza, cake, ice cream, hot dogs, chips. My body feels yucky.

I think it's important to tell you about this. One, because it gives me an ounce of accountability. But not much. Because let's face it, if I blogged about every time I overate, I'd be on here all the time. But more importantly, to let you know that I'm not perfect! I eat pretty well. 75% of the time. But if all I did was tell you how well I'm eating, and how much I'm losing, and how excited I am, then 1) it would be a lie, and 2) no one could relate to me.

Today I ate at least 3 pieces of delectable chocolate Costco cake. Maybe 4. I can't remember. Last night I ate 3 pieces of Costco pizza for dinner. I wasn't hungry after the first 1 and 1/2, but it tasted so good! And I had cake last night, too. And I ate some ice cream today. I ate 2 hot dogs on fluffy white buns Friday night. And I had Doritos with them. And I ate at Cheesecake Factory Saturday. Leftovers on Sunday.

It was yummy. I love hot dogs.

What's funny, is that with all the junk yum I ate, I really missed my apples! I've been eating one or two a day lately, and they make my body feel so good. But when I eat not-so-healthy, I don't leave room for apples. I snack on chocolate cake instead. mmm...

So, it's repentance time. The chocolate cake is gone (I finished the last piece tonight), and the apples are calling my name from the pantry.

Keep on keepin' on!

Planned Eating

(Quotes from "The End Of Overeating" by David T. Kessler)

"The trick is to identify food that you can learn to eat in a controlled way and that are at least as reinforcing as the foods you once overate." (page 209)

Portion Sizes

"By paying close attention to how much food you eat and how long it sustains you, you learn that portions smaller than you've come to expect will hold you perfectly well.
"There is a strong cognitive element to this process: What I perceive to be satisfying will help me determine whether it actually is. If you say 'I'm going to be hungry after I eat that' or 'That probably won't be enough' when you're served a plate of food, then you'll probably want more.
"But if you believe the food in front of you will fill you up, it's likely to do so... You can begin conditioning yourself to think 'That was enough,' 'That filled me up' or, best of all, 'That was just right." (page 212)

Choose Foods to Eat that Satisfy You

Most diets fail because they don't satisfy. A low-fat diet will keep you feeling hungry. The reason? Fat digests very slowly (2 calories per minute) and sugars (simple carbs) digest at a rate of 10 calories per minute. Protein digests at 4 calories a minute. Foods high in fiber tend to be satisfying because they are broken down more slowly than their processed counterparts.

So the goal is to eat high-fiber, complex carbs (whole grains and veggies) with protein (unprocessed) and a small amount of healthy fat. Nothing new here. What I like about this book is the emphasis that Dr. Kessler places on finding foods that you enjoy, that you don't overeat, and that satisfy you.

"Within these parameters it's important to identify those foods that will satisfy you -- and this is very personal ... The only eating plan that will work for you is one built around the personal likes and dislikes you have accumulated over a lifetime." (page 214)

I've always wanted to enjoy oatmeal. It's good for you, and I tend to like hot cereal, but I just couldn't get into it. I discovered that what my oatmeal needed was raspberries and it suddenly became my favorite morning staple! (~1 cup water, ~1/2 cup oats, dash cinnamon, 1 teaspoon brown sugar, and 1/2 cup berries. yum!)

What foods do you love? What minor changes can you make to these foods to make them more satisfying and better for you? Have you tried whole-grain pasta? How about plain yogurt instead of sour cream?

Food Rehab Principles

"I've learned to find reward in smaller amounts of food that I enjoy." (page 206)

• "Conditioned hypereating is a biological challenge, not a character flaw. Recovery is impossible until we stop viewing overeating as an absence of willpower." (page 206)
• "Treating conditioned hypereating means recognizing it as a chronic problem that needs to be managed, not one that can be completely cured." (page 206)
• "The loss of control that characterizes conditioned hypereating is magnified by diets that leave us feeling deprived." (page 206)
• "New learning can stick only when it generates a feeling of satisfaction. We can't sustain a change in behavior if it leaves us hungry, unhappy, angry, or resentful." (page 206)

I resisted reading this book for a long time, because I was sure I'd feel angry and deprived about "giving up" my favorite foods. But that's assuming that I'm abstaining by sheer willpower. Food Rehab is all about changing habits and perceptions of food.

• "Eventually we can begin to think differently about food, recognizing its value to sustain us and protect us from hunger, and denying it the authority to govern our lives." (page 207)

Rationalize Much?

"Sometimes we formulate rationalizations that allow us to act on our desire for reward. Thoughts like 'I deserve this' or 'I'll only have a small piece' are strategies for easing our discomfort about behavior we know is not in line with our goals." (page 201)

I've been doing this type of rationalizing for the past year or so. I lose a few pounds and then feel like I "deserve" to relax in my healthy eating for a few days/weeks and gain part of it back. So then, because I'm fancy like that, I get to lose those very same pounds again, until I lose enough to "deserve" another break from healthy eating.

Another thing I do, is I convince myself that eating such-and-such won't cause me to gain any weight, since I'll only have a "small piece." But calories are calories. And when you eat an excess of 200 here and 500 there, eventually those calories add up to 3,500, or one pound.

Food Rehab

Here are just a few suggestions that seem like things that could help me. In the book you will find many more helpful ideas.

***

Set Rules. Be specific, such as:
I don't eat candy bars.
I don't drink soda.
I don't buy store-bought cookies.
I don't eat fast food.

"The shift from wanting to behave differently to actually doing so requires setting rules and practicing them until they become programmed behavior." (page 192)

Practice, practice! Habits are difficult to break and start, but become easier the more you practice them.

***

Learn to view the pursuit of sugar, fat, and salt in a negative light.

"The cognitive strategy is to recognize when you're having euphoric recall and selectively remembering only the good parts. Then, in your mind, you play the scenario out to the end and you say, 'This is what's going to happen. I'll feel good for two minutes, and then I'll feel horrible.'" (page 198)

Not by choice or by any heroic effort on my part, I've done this with ice cream. I've known that I was slightly lactose intolerant for 15+ years, but it's only been in the past couple of years that I've finally recognized that every time I eat ice cream, I get a slight headache and a nauseated sensation in my stomach. I think I ignored the connection between ice cream and that sick feeling for a long time. However, once I put them together, ice cream no longer tempts me.

I'm hoping to use this with other treats. After the holidays, I posted about the effects that all the sugary, fatty treats had on my body. I'm trying to practice "playing the scenario out to the end" so I get to the part where too many sweet treats make my bowels feel miserable. Not to mention that the "high" only lasts a few minutes, before I want more.

I re-lapsed conducted an official scientific experiment recently. I'd bought several Cadbury Creme Eggs for John's birthday, but I should have waited until the day OF his birthday to buy them. When I succumbed (several times), I melted into a pile of euphoric goo when the chocolate and sugary center reached my mouth. It made me feel good. happy. relaxed. And then, within a few minutes of eating it, my mouth had a yucky, sort-of metallic aftertaste. I wanted more. And mostly just to get rid of the yucky aftertaste!

Dr. Kessler talks of a man who, trying to break a cigarette addiction, inhaled deeply into a jar packed with cigarette butts every time he was tempted to smoke. That negative association has helped him stop smoking.

"Unless a person makes the cognitive shift, where it's more reinforcing to have a life without the substances than it is to have a life with them, recovery is not obtainable." (page 198)

"Not smoking becomes the thing the individual feels good about." (page 198)

"It may not seem that food can become as readily aversive as cigarettes, but for my part, very large portions now strike me as generally disgusting." (page 198)

"Once I thought a big plate of food was what I wanted and needed to feel better. Now I see that plate for what it is -- layers of fat on fat on sugar on fat that will never provide lasting satisfaction and only keep me coming back for more." (page 200)

"If we think rewarding food is a friend, we're likely to pursue it. If we think it's an enemy, we'll turn from it with distaste." (page 201)
-- I hesitated to include this quote. I was talking with a friend about this book and mentioned the concept of seeing food as an enemy. She was concerned about that wording, because sometimes people with eating disorders see food as the enemy, so they abstain completely, or purge it after eating. So use this one with caution. Not all food is an enemy, but if we find ourselves addicted to certain foods, and they are detrimental to our health and fitness goals, then they are better off viewed in an un-friendly light. Just please don't go to the other extreme! Good food in moderation is our friend. Cadbury Creme Eggs? Not so friendly.

Addicted

I first heard about "The End of Overeating" when my friend blogged about it 8 months ago. I was hesitant to read it. Why? Because I didn't want to give up sweets! They make me happy, so without them, I'd be miserable, right? John is off sweets right now for "made-up Lent." Did I go off them with him? Not a chance. Sweets make me happy. Masochism is against my religion.

Just reading about how food is a drug and totally identifying with that was a huge perception shift. What? I'm not a druggie! I don't take anything harmful or addictive into my body. But food? I'm totally addicted and I anticipate the reward I'm going to get from it. Like when I have a nice-sized dinner and then help myself to a little more? I'm not hungry in that moment. I don't need those nutrients to sustain life. I'm a food druggie getting a hit off of second helpings.

Stay tuned for "Food Rehab"...

Nightmare on Mile Hill and Bay Street

I'm reading "The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite" by David A. Kessler, MD right now.

To sum-up: Eating patterns have changed in the past 30, 50, 100 years. We eat more fat, salt and sugar, and more processed foods that are designed to "entertain" and stimulate our palates. This kind of food is like a drug to many people, causing us to crave these foods, especially when angry or stressed. The food triggers pleasure and calming centers of the brain, truly making us feel better... temporarily. We habitually turn to this food to make us feel good, much like a drug. Also, nowadays food is highly accessible and relatively inexpensive. Drive-through restaurants, convenience stores, and vending machines all stock food loaded with sugar, fat and salt.

In addition, everywhere we go, whether it be to a meeting, class, reception, church social function, there is usually some type of food provided: cookies, bagels, sandwiches, etc. Food is everywhere and our trend of expanding waistlines prove it.

Although my weight is perfectly appropriate for my height, this book is about me. "Hi, my name is Laura and food is a drug to me." I crave sugar, fat and salt (mainly sweets). I reach for chocolate when I'm anxious, stressed, or angry. It makes me feel better and I know it will before I eat it. Every time I pass a certain billboard, I think about how good a McD's sausage egg McMuffin would taste (thank goodness they aren't sold after 10:30 am). Every time I drive past Burger King, I consider stopping in for a Whopper Jr. (thank goodness most fast food makes my stomach queasy.)

(Which brings me to the title of my post -- last night, after reading in this book before bed, I dreamed that I ate a Big Mac, followed by a 15-piece bucket of KFC wings -- which is funny, since I've only ever eaten one Big Mac, and I didn't really like it, and I abhor chicken with bones and skin. It was a nightmare nonetheless and I was grateful when I woke up. Back to my post...)

I'm at risk for obesity because of my food addiction. Yes, I keep my weight under control by limiting certain foods and practicing self-control. But how will I be in 10, 20, 30 years?

The book talked of studies they've done with children, and how children eat more calories today than they used to. Children as young as preschool-age eat beyond the point where they say they are full if they are given unlimited access to high sugar, fat and salt foods.

I'm about 2/3 of the way through the book and I'm just getting to the part about treatment. I'll let you know what I learn.

Too Good to be True

I read on a friend's Facebook status how this person had just started the HcG diet today. Not knowing what it was, I did a little online research about it and what I learned didn't impress me.

As I understand it: HcG is a pregnancy hormone responsible for making sure that the fetus gets necessary fat and nutrients. If the mother doesn't take in enough calories during pregnancy, this hormone ensures that the fetus will be able to survive by tapping into the mother's fat stores.

The HcG diet involves a daily injection of the HcG hormone for 3-4 weeks. The injections, according to one website, were about $10 a day. Along with the injections, you eat very little food so that the injected HcG can tell your body to use its fat stores. The HcG also suppresses hunger pangs. And here's why you need that hunger suppressor: you are only supposed to eat 500 calories a day!

500 calories a day is not, in my opinion, healthful for any adult, anytime. And if a person were to eat 500 calories a day, they would lose a lot of weight without spending hundreds of dollars on a "cure" for overeating and inactivity.

From Diets in Review.com:

Remember, if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is. Weight loss is hard work and it won’t come in a potion, pill, or injection. The most “dangerous” thing you should be doing to your body is trying a new exercise that intimidates you like rock climbing or completing a marathon.

A-men!

Choose a new habit to work into your life.

Try herbal tea.

Make up a batch of vegetable base and throw it into everything. I puree it and put it in soups, casseroles, lasagna, etc. My family has never guessed. And I love the flavor.

Try eating less. Listen to your body and stop before you're full.

You need healthy habits to keep you healthy for life! You can't cheat at health.

It's not so much that I ate a lot of treats this holiday and gained 3 pounds. It's more that instead of eating high-fiber, high-nutrition foods that make me feel good, I binged on 3 pounds worth of high-sugar, high-fat, processed, refined garbage. Instead of a green drink, I'd snack on half a dozen cookies all afternoon. Instead of a bowl of All-Bran with blueberries for breakfast, I'd eat a slice of pumpkin pie with whipped cream.

And my bowels are here to complain about it.

But me? I enjoyed every morsel I indulged in. I enjoyed the food, the friends, the parties, and the merry spirit of Christmas. I (thanks to John) had to remind myself a time or two to not stress about it, but to enjoy and savor each bite. And I have a month's worth of happy memories, of not feeling guilt or stress (well, I tried really hard anyway) and just enjoyed the season. I don't feel deprived or rebellious now. I feel happy and excited to resume my normal healthy eating.

And my bowels are thanking me for it.

Christmas Goodies Galore!

Friends, how are you doing at this sugary time of year? I'm loving it. I'm eating treats, yes. And definitely too many. BUT, I'm also continuing my 3-4 days at the gym every week.

I'm also continuing to weigh myself every few days, so if I see that scale creep up a little, it gives me the motivation to toss those Christmas goodies. I've actually been able to toss a few things, which is better than I could do a few years ago.

Don't slide down that slippery slope! Enjoy your Christmas parties, NEVER "diet", but make a positive change. Drink more water. Take a walk. Be happy! Merry Christmas!

Plateau Busting

I've been stuck in 173-175 land for almost a year. And my measurements haven't moved much, either. I recently posted about my determination to make my waist, etc. smaller. Here's my story since then:

• JuJu started school and I started walking with her to and/or from school.
  
• My friend from college started working for Beachbody, and I checked out some of the videos from the library and started doing a mini-workout/stretch first thing in the morning.
  
• I kept doing my regular workouts at the gym in the evenings.
• I increased my weights in Body Pump.
  
• I learned how to do squats right, so that my knees wouldn't hurt, so I started doing those regularly.
  
• I started doing the No Excuses Workout several days a week (while brushing my teeth).
• I dance while cleaning the kitchen, and focus on keeping my abs tight all day.
  
• I stopped eating so many treats, but declared that I wasn't "off" treats, I just wasn't making and eating many. Don't get me wrong, I still eat treats. just more occasionally.
  
• I focused more energy into eating 5 or 6 small meals a day. I found a couple of new-to-me, good choices, such as: edamame (soy beans): low in calories, high in fiber, high in protein. Tasty, and fun to eat. Pistachios: decent fiber, high in protein, and high in fat, so eat wisely, along with fruit or other carb, as a mid-morning or mid-afternoon meal. The fat has the bonus making you feel satiated. Can you feel a difference between full-fat and no-fat dressings? I can. I use full-fat sparingly. I mix some water or vinegar into a small amount of dressing before adding it to my salad.
  

I was slowly adding all of the things I listed above into my life, and my weight stayed the same for another month and a half. About a month into it, and about the same time as General conference, I decided to give up.

From General Conference I took away a desire to put more energy into the important things in my life.

I'd set a goal to achieve a certain "number" (170) and I was becoming obsessed with that goal, even though I was happy with where I was at, and felt comfortable in my skin. I decided that although I could achieve 170 and even lower, I was doing all that I was willing to sacrifice and to put energy into at this time in my life (exercise, eating well, etc.). I'm not willing to do any more. I have kids and a life to enjoy.

I don't want to be obsessed with my weight or size.

About two weeks later, I saw 171 on the scale. Two weeks later, and I'm seeing 169. And my body measurements are down, too.

I have two theories about why my numbers have finally changed: One, I finally got all (or most) of the puzzle pieces into place. Two, I stopped stressing and embraced my body (not perfectly yet, of course) and felt gratitude for the miracle and blessing that it is.

Happy holiday of monsters and eating candy unrestrained

I really do like Halloween, but all the candy and sweets (just the beginning of the next two months of weight-gaining temptations) makes me sick to think about.

What are your goals for not sliding down the hill you've been working so hard to climb? I don't know about you, but I do not want to lose those same 4 pounds, yet again!

I won't make the goal to not eat any candy, because then when I do, I'll give myself permission to eat as much as I want. That's just my rebellious nature.

Goals/Plan:

1. wait until the day of or the day before Halloween to buy candy
2. buy candy I'm not tempted by
3. when raiding my girls loot, limit myself to five pieces
4. eat a real meal before raiding said loot, so I'm just having a treat, and not satisfying actual hunger
   
5. continue exercising every day

I've seen a bit of progress in my numbers, which is very encouraging to me. The thought of having to work off that progress again makes me want to barf. I've worked really hard, enjoyed doing it, and would rather maintain that progress, than re-do it. Savvy?

Potty Talk

For the past year and a half, I’ve struggled with constipation. I haven't talked much about it to many people (since it's not really the greatest conversation piece!), but I feel like I've learned so much that someone who has a similar trial might be able to gain something from my experience. The following is a detailed account of my struggles. Please don’t read it if you're uncomfortable with poop talk. 'Cause there's lots of it. Poop talk. Not poop. ☺

May 2008 - baby #3 weighed in at 10+ pounds after both an 18-hour failed induction (where I recognized afterwards that I was really constipated, which may have contributed to it failing) and an 8 hour successful, though hellishly painful (even with an epidural), induced labor.

July 2008 until June 2009 - Within a couple of months of having Evy, I began experiencing severe constipation. If I didn’t use glycolax every day, plus another laxative once a week or so, everything would stop completely and my abdomen would feel hard and achy. I would go days and days without a b.m. During this time, I was exercising regularly, eating relatively well, only whole grains, lots of fruits and veggies (I discovered green drinks during this time), for fluids I drank only water (and lots of it!), and I even took supplemental fiber, and probiotics. I was losing a lot of baby weight during this time, but it was interesting to watch the pounds literally fall off whenever my bowels would finally move. There are a couple more obvious ones: 8/02/08, 9/05/08, and 11/13/08 where I lost several pounds within just a few days. I was being smart about losing weight, but while I was losing weight, I was also getting backed up and then finally eliminating it all at once.

Fall 2008 - visited my PCP - he counseled me to drink more water, eat more fiber, exercise... So, the 13 glasses of water and 35 grams of fiber a day, and the 3 hours of exercise a week aren’t enough? Ya gotta love it when doctors ignore what you’re already doing to self-treat.

January 2009 - went back to my PCP: he counseled me to double my glycolax, and he also gave me a referral to go see a gastroenterologist, who was booked out for two months.

March 2009 - first visit to the gastro. He ordered a colonic transit study.

April 2009 - Colonic transit study: basically, I swallowed a pill with little, tiny rings inside the pill that were visible on an x-ray, and then I went in every morning for a week to be x-rayed to see how they’re moving along. No glycolax through the whole test. Ouch! This is where I gained four pounds in a week (4/21/09) (though it didn’t help that my sisters and mom were in town and we visited the almond roca factory. twice.)

April 2009 - Gastro called - he said my colon transit is normal, until the end of the large intestine, where all the pills had gathered by the end of the week. He recommended pelvic floor rehabilitation to strengthen those muscles, which can help with regularity. Pelvic floor rehab specialist: booked out two months.

June to August 2009 - Rehab Kristi. These appointments were so interesting and educational. She gave me some foot exercises, which are supposed to stimulate the nerves and muscles in the pelvic floor. She cited a study that showed them to be more effective than Kegels. You can find them here. She also showed me a toileting “technique” and had me do some pelvic floor awareness exercises that were interesting. She helped correct a diastasis recti (common pregnancy-induced separation of the abdominal wall) and gave me a “morning bowel routine”: warm drink first thing in the morning, then eat breakfast, plus set a time each day to sit on the toilet for 5-10 minutes. All these exercises helped only very slightly. The only improvement I saw was that I was able to decrease the amount of glycolax I’d been taking.

August 2009 - Went back to the gastro. Said it was possible I had a rectocele. He sent me to a colo-rectal specialist. Never even knew those existed.

September 2009 - Colo-rectal specialist: Confirmed that I do have a minor rectocele. Not likely the cause of all the struggles. Invited me to come back in 3 weeks to be tortured. Until then, he told me to add caffeine to my morning routine. He suggested coffee or green tea. I went with Vivarin. The combination of the caffeine (which acts as a stimulant on the bowels), the warm beverage (which warms your body/intestines up), and the food (gastro-colic reflex (like you see in babies: eat, poop, eat, poop) -- it’s not as strong or as noticeable in adults, but it tends to be strongest in the morning, when you haven’t eaten all night) has helped quite a bit, but hasn’t completely solved the problem.

Yesterday 2009 - a day which will live in infamy, much like the labors of my three children, the difference being I didn’t get a sweet bundle to take home with me. The torture he scheduled me for was a test called Ano-rectal Manometry test. It was invasive and painful and miserable and unkind. And I am so grateful for it. He actually found something wrong with me! Thanks to the labor and delivery of my third child (remember the glass in rectum post?), the involuntary muscles in my rectum were traumatized, causing them to contract when I try to poop instead of relax.

It’s been a really long, really annoying struggle, but I’m very optimistic about it all right now.

What’s next? I have an appointment with the Pelvic floor rehab specialist in two weeks. She and the colo-rectal guy are working to get me a pelvic floor stimulation system. Sounds like a party.

I’ve thought a lot about all these kind, knowledgable people who have done their best to help me. These random, undesirable occupations such as a colo-rectal specialist, a pelvic floor specialist, a gastroenterologist: it seems like you’d have to have a really good attitude to be able to talk about your profession, not to mention that you have to have a really kind heart to even go there in the first place! I suppose you could argue the kind heart for many other health care professions, but there’s something special (at least to me!) about someone who chooses butts. Heart docs? Eh. Three cheers for the butt docs.

Potty Humor

Guest posting is my favorite and handsome husband. If you survived my post, and don't mind John's hilarious inability to take anything seriously (at least in the blog world), read on:

Laura asked me to write this post for her. She asked me to do this even though I’m completely irreverent and silly. Though maybe that’s why she asked me to write this post for her. You see, a while ago, Laura stopped pooping.

Seriously, she hasn’t pooped in 16 months – more or less. Talk about your crappy (har!) situation!

The story goes back much further than 16 months. But I’m not here to talk about how she went from painful child birth, to eating 14,593 lbs of fiber and drinking 1,342 gals of water everyday, to needing a pooping coach. I’m just here to talk about the colo-rectal specialist – the butt doctor.

The idea of someone becoming a butt doctor is fascinating in its own right. I mean, how does one decide that nothing sounds better than dealing with poop and anuses all day? Laura’s butt doctor says it was helping people with “these type” of problems and seeing how grateful they were. And while I am very grateful – though not as grateful as Laura – that he made that choice, it’s still hard for me to comprehend. I mean, I get warm fuzzies helping someone in a crappy (har!) situation too, but it doesn’t mean I like it. For example, one time I was changing a dear, sweet old man (don’t ask. Laura is still paying for that one) when he accidentally pooped in my hand – I wish I were kidding. Helping him when he couldn’t help himself made me feel good about myself, but it did NOT make me want to become a professional poo catcher.

But I’ve seriously digressed. Where was I? Oh yes, Laura’s butt doctor. After thoroughly stumping her PCP, the gastroenterologist, and a pelvic floor therapist (a.k.a the pooping coach), she ended up at the colo-rectal specialist.

At the first appointment, we sat and chatted about labor and feelings of glass shards in the rectum during childbirth and the numerous possibilities for chronic constipation. And then ... and then we were caught completely off guard. I mean, I guess we should have considered that the butt doctor might want to do a butt inspection, but we didn’t consider any such thing. Not until he said, “drop your pants and bend over the table” or something like that, anyway.

The results of this sneak attack on Laura’s trap door? Another test. One that wouldn’t be a surprise at all, but rather a full rear assault. Laura was getting an ARM test – Ano-rectal Manometry test. Doesn’t Ano-rectal Manometery sound like a weapon used in a war? “Surrender now or you will experience the full power of our Ano-rectal Manometery!”

Yesterday was the test. We went to a big open field, and when the time of our appointment came, a large saucer-shaped thing flew over us, sucked Laura up onto a large exam table, and a green man stuck massive probes into the nether regions of her digestive system.

Actually, we went to the doctor’s office and there was no saucer, just a green man and anal probing. Doctor Green (get it? Green man? Har!) pulled out (stuck in?) his probes and got to work.

The first probe was a dry sponge thing, which based on Laura’s facial expressions and the way she attempted to powderize my hand, must have hurt like ... well, hurt like a serious anal probing. At some point in here, she emphatically declared, “You are SOOOO getting a prostate exam” at which time I pointed at Evy, “Me? This is her fault, not mine.” Anyway, with the sponge as a rectal resident, she then had to, “squeeze like you’re on a crowded elevator with your boss and you have a fart that is really trying to come out.”

The next step was to send a balloon spelunking in there. He then started to pump it up, “Tell me when it feels like you’d recognize that you might need to go to the bathroom soon.” She didn’t say this, though I think it would have been appropriate, “you have a balloon shoved up my a$$ and I’m supposed to tell you when it feels like there’s something in there that wants to come out? Seriously?” As he continued to pump, she also had to tell him when “you’d be looking for a bathroom” and finally, “when you’d push the kids down to get there first.”

The final probe was finger applicated, if you know what I mean. While Laura writhed in agony on the table, the Green man did his best to piss off the nerves running to her pelvic region. Supposedly he did this to see if they were damaged (they were). That’s what he said, but it sure looked to me like he was doing it to damage the nerves himself. And then like frosting on a cake, he announced after torturing her for a while, that the probe was in wrong and he had to do it all again.

About this time Evy picked up and ate a green Skittle that I’d dropped on the butt doctor’s floor. Wouldn’t that make a great Facebook status? “Just ate a green skittle off the butt doctor's floor.”

Also about this time, the equipment technician announced that he was “anal about his data”. Laura announced, and rightfully so, “I’m the only one in the room allowed to use the phrase ‘anal about that’ right now.” She later conceded that the doctor was also allowed that liberty, given that he had his finger stuck in her back door.

So, 45 minutes of probing later, the doctor beamed us back to earth and gave us the results. Laura’s involuntary rectal muscles are apparently confused. Instead of relaxing when she pushes, they squeeze harder. It’s hard to get poop out that way.

And so, at least all the probing resulted in a prognosis. Nothing would have been worse than going through all that crap (har!) for nothing. To my glee, the doctor did, however, say, “and you’re a bigger woman” during some part of the discussion allowing me to throw in the standard, “did he just call you fat?” remark. I thought it was really funny. No one else did. Alas, the life of the easily amused.

And since this is Laura’s healthy living blog, I have to add that as we left the office and I said, “Let’s swing by Costco and get a Great American Chocolate Cake as comfort food to make you feel better.” She replied, “No, John, that’s what you want for comfort food.” I responded, “Fine. Lets swing by and pick up a stalk of celery then. Whatever. Sounds like crappy (har!) comfort food to me.” Aren’t you proud of her, though? I am. (And I still want chocolate cake).

Next up: back to the poop coach for anal electro-therapy. Sounds shockingly stimulating. The idea being to shock the muscles into remembering their actual job. This is the same idea behind spanking your kids when they’re bad. “Relax. I said RELAX! Dang-it! That’s it, 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... ZAP! Next time do as you’re told.” Good times.

Better Than Kegels

I'm Brave, Too ... ?

Other fitness friends have been brave enough to post their progress photos. I've sort of been waiting until I achieved my goal size, but since I don't know what that is, and because I feel brave tonight, here goes:

July 2008 --------------- Sept 2009
199 pounds -------------- 172 pounds
waist: 38.5 -------------- waist: 34
hips: 46.5 --------------- hips: 41.5
thigh: 27.5 --------------- thigh: 24.5
upper arm: 12.25 ----------- upper arm: 11.5